violin red
by yukineIGH
Summary: Namitas; - you're entirely bonkers. but you know what? all the best people are.
1. Preface

_**PLEASE READ**_  
>I know I suck at multi-chapters. believe me, I know so well. I'm crap at it 'cause as soon as I get another idea I have to try it and the old ones are forgotten.<br>But this ones special. I mean, it's gotta be if I've worked on it six hours straight (my God, that sounds sad, but that's the truth).  
>Of course, that means I've been working on the chapters! I'm not so slow that 500 words take me THAT long.<br>Anyways, here's another attempt from me. I'm looking for feedback, guys. I was gonna finish it before I started posting, just to make sure I'd finish it before showing you anything (crazy, I know) but you know what? I want to know what you think. If you'd even want more. So... review. I love it when you do, you know?  
>If anyone notices, then yes, the style is based off BLADE by... that guy. Ugh. I'll remember later. It's quarter past midnight. Sue me.<br>Also, the summary is Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland. I know that. I guess it's copyright so no, I don't own.

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><p><strong>Preface<strong>

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><p><em>Night time. Dead time. Now the rot of the world comes out to play. Suits me just fine, sitting here in the sky, on this cold hard roof, trying not to feel. Straight back. Eyes closed. Can't bear to look this time. Don't want to see her anymore, Blueyes, but she's right there on my eyelids, on my mind. And I find myself looking. Can't bear to see out, can't bear to see in. Where do you go from there? I'll watch her dance for a while and keep on waiting. <em>

_Yeah, Blueyes, I don't know either. I don't know what for or why. A miracle, perhaps. A fantasy. But those kinds of things don't happen in real life. Life is the sick reality of someone else's nightmare. Its raw mankind and the worst of us can't take it. I want out, Blueyes. You know I do._

_Yet… I'm seeing white. Blue. Blue blue eyes. Twin glaziers of ice locked in the frozen bonds of her bloodless face. And they're beautifully sad, Blueyes, because she knew it just like everyone else now knows it too. She knew my secret. The one truth I guarded so close in my heart and she took it and cracked me wide. She spread it out, smearing the blood over a timespan of God knows how long and I won't forget it. You know I won't. Her betrayal stings like a bullet to the bone, and we both know I know how that feels. _

_I thought she was genuine, but I guess she's just like the rest. They always are. And you know what, Blueyes? I'm hurting so much over it. She cut me deep, that one. I'm still wondering why. Could be something to do with being desperate for kindness. So vulnerable in my need for a kind word, a kind touch. And the way she looked at me, Blueyes, when she still loved me...  
>Some shadow of love, I know, but still there and as strong as shades of grey can be in this black and white world. You never felt that one time she touched my cheek, how good it felt. Safe in the belief she cared. Or maybe hope. Big on hope, Blueyes. You know me.<em>

_Open my eyes. Look at the sky. No stars tonight. Just dark. Oblivion. Nothing there. That's me, Blueyes. I'm empty too. Blank as a fresh canvas. Maybe mine should have been just this. Black black black for my heart._

_Hope, not belief. I'm deciding this now. I guess I always knew. No hope left. Just the dream of it, somewhere far far away. The moon smiles at me, sends me a breath of wind. Blows me a kiss. I think about catching it, but I don't want the moon's kiss. I'm not happy; red eyes, but I'll do this. Already wasted enough tears to drop like rain. Make myself blank. Make myself forget. Don't feel. Don't feel a thing. You already knew she wouldn't come._

_Yeah, Blueyes. I think it's time._


	2. 01: Arrogant Boy

EDIT: I'm so sorry guys! I should have done this before, but i wasn't thinking straight. Let me explain a little: the POV for this chapter and the last one aren't the same people. The POV from the Preface will pop up every now and then. Also, the Preface - if you didn't already now - is in the future of the story, and so this and every other chapter leads up to it. I hope that clears some things up, if anyone was confused.

Has anyone else noticed that Terra's heart _couldn't_ have been in Xemnas or Ansem SOD? When Xehanort split himself into Heartless/Nobody... what happened to Terra? I know no one knows for sure, but what do you think?

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><p><strong>ONE:<br>Arrogant Boy**

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><p>I didn't know what to think on the first day.<p>

Halfway through my lunch break my sister Xion had called. Apparently, Kairi was ill and needed to be taken home (emphasis on APPARENTLY). Also apparently, Xion couldn't fit the bill for the kid's personal nurse due to the fact that she was tied up at work and, besides, Xion couldn't afford a day off. None of us could.

As the eldest, at 23, Xion was the only one with a proper full-time job. Roxas and Ventus, the twins, had part time ones but were mainly focused on college. Xion has had many an argument with them about that, but they won't budge. They plan to make it big as musicians one day. In their dreams, maybe! Sheez. It's not exactly that they're bad or anything, just that those kinds of things only happen once in a blue moon.

I was at college too, but still a little sweet sixteen year old. Possibly the youngest in the whole damn campus since my birthday was 31st August. If that weren't bad enough I arrived at 11:49pm. Though I suppose that much later then I would have had to endure a whole extra year at school… ugh. Okay. Not complaining.

The only reason Xion didn't blow up in _my _face about the whole work thing, by the way, was that I was frequently an extra in one of the soaps. Like, most Sundays are spent hanging around Westations Street or some other such place (definitely no complaints there). Granpa had signed me up and got everything worked out before he died (God bless his soul), so all I had to do was keep the agency posted on new developments (like a different address if we ever won the lottery – which we won't since we don't waste money on scratch cards…) and accept as many opportunities as I could. Normally I was Student-Passerby-by-With-Rucksack or Teenage-Girl-In-Swimming-Pool or something, but hey, for £80 odd each time you're not really gonna complain, are you?

(Wow, talk about parenthesis overload. (Yes, I'm smart. Don't get too jealous.))

I know, I know. You're probably confused. I'll back up. Just your average girl here, name of Naminé Sataski. No biggie. So what's this? I'll tell you. I don't have a damn clue. I'm just writing, okay? I need to get this out. Lucky you, who ever you are, reading this shit.

Well, moving on from the background details.

I was looking forward to driving. I mean, REALLY looking forward to it. It sucks when all your friends are merrily tootling around and your stuck waiting for the bus that's 15 minutes late. Plus it would mean not having to take the trains or rely on one of the twins to drive me to work (because, according to Xion, they had nothing better to do with their time and, really, I totally agree. But don't say I said that). Riding shotgun with one of the twins was never a pleasant experience as they tended to grumble about having to do it and direct any hostility towards me since I happened to be sat next to them. Which was so totally unfair as it wasn't my fault I couldn't drive until I was seventeen. Was it my fault mum and dad got randy too late? No. So there. AND it also wasn't my fault we had no money (partly because they wouldn't get full-time jobs. Payback is a bitch, my friends) and the agency seemed to have a knack for giving me jobs that required the occasional overnight stay (which, unless you're a hermit, you'd know COSTS money, which doesn't grow on trees, and kind of defeats the purpose). But anyway.

Back to that first day, I remember thinking - why couldn't one of the twins go home and babysit? Or why couldn't Nana? Ha, dumb question. Nana was loopy in a hum-drum-let's-make-love-not-war kind of way, as if it was that easy. Mildly manic in that she often got an odd urge to do things like try painting in the way that what's-his-name artist did; using her bum. Since Granpa died she never had been quite right.

So that ruled Nana out.

But the twins? Were they even in college? Didn't they finish at 12:30 on Fridays? I had a full day. I couldn't just miss Photography – I had to be there as I hardly ever got a chance to use those computers at any other time. There was no computer at home – screw that, you can't log onto the college desktop anywhere but at college, for Gods sake. And at home we only had Xion's old laptop that's slower than an old man's tongue, with no printer to boot.

I could feel my chest getting hot with anger. My fists clenched; nails lethal on my palms. Why did it have to be me? Why was it _always _me? Why did the –

"Yo, Sataski."

Earth to Naminé. Back to reality, with a jolt. I stumbled, my ankle giving under me. An icy shock went through me when someone grabbed my arm to steady me. Totally didn't expect that, but there you go. People are so slated these days you trip and don't expect anyone to pick you up.

"Whoa, there."

Shrugging out of the strangers hand as quickly as possible without being too rude, I turned to face him. I knew it was a boy from the deep, rough voice. And he was laughing at me, the douche. I could hear the smirk. I was prepared to rip into him but when I met his eyes I froze, my breath trapped in my throat. Oh God. Gold eyes. Gold. The eyes were gold. Shit, Naminé. Look away, look away. But I couldn't. They were piercing through me, exposing me. They were just so _alien – _

_Look away, damn it._

There was only one person that anyone knew who had those eyes. Vanitas. I almost acknowledged him, opened my mouth to speak, but bit my tongue sharply to stop myself. Best not to say anything. Turn around and walk away, Naminé. Pretend you didn't see him, despite the fact you were staring at his eyes. Forget it. Ignore him. Stay out of his way. And then a sudden nasty thought pushed into the forefront of my mind and blared like a megaphone announcement, cold and raw and cruel -

_What a freak show_.

I couldn't help it. It was just suddenly there, all over my thoughts – _freak freak, freakish fucking freak_. I was ridiculously mortified. No one could hear my thoughts. But I could. Clear as day. I could finally look away from him. Walk away.

The urge to scold myself almost consumed me, but I didn't. It doesn't matter, I kept thinking to myself. Forget it. It never happened. You didn't actually _say _it. Always a good thing. Hilarious insight, I know. Don't rip into him in front of his face – just with your friends, your family, having a good laugh about it. That's okay.

But he _was _strange - a disaster waiting to happen. No one could explain how they knew. They just did. Sixth sense or something. And no one wanted to be anywhere near for when the bomb exploded.

But then I heard footsteps, and a call of 'Wait!'. I quickened my pace, trying not to panic, when my arm was seized for the second time. I thought about lashing out, but that was stupid. He hadn't hurt me. Yet. I refused to look at him, though. I couldn't. I was too full of shame to meet his golden gaze. So I just kind of stood there awkwardly waiting to see what he'd do next.

He pressed something against my palm. "At least take this," he said. His voice was different. Less cocky. Less sure. I ignored him and looked down to find myself holding the handle of an umbrella. What? Of course, I then had to check out the sky. I hadn't noticed, but it _had _started to rain. Quite a bit, actually. Too busy listening to the angry buzz of jealous bees in my head. I thought about shoving it back at him and making a break for it. What was he playing at? Selectively blind? I had my hood up. I was doing just fine. "If you get wet, you'll get ill," he said to me. I had to look at him. His eyes were honest, earnest. They completely threw me off, but I quickly regained my composure. Sick, twisted mind games. Bastard! I bet his few pathetic friends were laughing their selves silly around some corner. Even the umbrella was a warning. Bright, stark red. Siren. Blood.

I shoved the handle against his chest and hissed, "Fuck off, you freak."

I stalked off.

-VR-

_If you get wet, you'll get ill._

That's what he'd said to me. And sat at the bus stop with time to cool off, suddenly I wasn't so sure.

When I'd got a fair distance away, I'd looked back. No friends had been converging on him. He'd just stood there, staring after me, the umbrella useless at his side.

What if he'd actually meant it? I was an ass.

"Naminé?" A familiar voice said.

I sighed. At least this time it was just Olette, not some random creepy kid.

"Wow, you look soaked," Olette said, and before I could even finish sucking in a breath to reply she added, "Where are you going?" And then as I opened my mouth yet again to respond; "Photography's at quarter to. Hello? You've still got two hours at college, my condemned friend."

"Can I talk?"

"Sorry."

I just sighed again and rolled my eyes. "Kairi's ill. I have to ditch college to go and babysit."

Olette collapsed next to me – onto the cold, hard metal bus stop seat, of course. Stupid council. Why metal? It's murder on anyone's backside. "Oh, I gotcha. You got any pita bread at your place?"

"Uh, yeah?" Weird. But okay.

"Cool." I think my face just about went '…' because she looked affronted and said, "What?"

I shook my head as a smile crept onto my face. "Nothing, Ol."

"So tell me what's goin' on with you lately. I haven't seen you in like, forever. You keep missing class. Explain?"

Thus I launched into a thorough family-bashing session, which I'll admit was loads of fun. Which sounds mean. But meh. They deserved it – they drove me in_sane_.

After I'd run out of complaints, Olette just said, "Um. Woah."

"That's it?" I was stumped. All of that and all she said was… woah? After giving her a funny look I checked my watch. "Oh my God, it's like seventeen minutes to or something. You gotta go! Run, bitch, run!"

Olette laughed at me and simply shook her head. "Nah," she grinned. "This is far more interesting. Go back to the bit where Roxas is secretly retarded."

"Or Ven. 'Cause, you know –"

"It could have been either one of them. Yeah, yeah. But we all know only Roxas would forget to check his fuel before going on a long ass journey like that, making you – what – an hour late? So you missed it?"

"Ven got off at the wrong junction once going to Reno's and only got suspicious like half an hour later when the directions started making no sense. Remember?"

"Yeah, but that was only because it was a thirty mile long road or something, and 'somewhere on your left' is a bit vague. You told me about that, remember? But I didn't know he was going to Reno's. What the hell? They're like at the opposite ends of the spectrum of maturity. Ven doesn't seem like the drink-beer-get-high-go-to-the-club kind of guy. Unless Reno tells him the drink is lemon juice, the drugs are painkillers and that building belting out music and flashing lights is actually the local library. Or something."

"It was just some boy get together thing. Reno was… something. Dunt really matter, though, 'cause Tifa crashed it early and kidnapped him."

"_Reno_?"

"No, your mum."

"Well, you could have meant Ven."

"Ol, Ven is serious enough to be my dad and wears glasses to read. Do you think someone like Tifa would really go for that?"

"…Point taken."

It was only when we were taking our seats at the back of the bus (for Olette had decided to go on a bad girl streak which meant, el gaspo!, missing class. To go and babysit your best mate's little beep of a sis. Which makes no sense, if you ask me. But there you go.) that Olette actually got around to asking why I'd looked so down before she'd come across me.

"It's nothing," I said quickly. Bad move, because of course that made her suspicious. Her eyebrows shot up, _Bam._ I was guilty. "Okay, fine," I huffed. "It's something." She stared expectantly at me. "But only a bit of something. Like, not even worth talking about."

"Oh, c'mon, Nami. Just tell me."

"It's just…" I sighed. "Okay. Well, you know… Vanitas?"

"What, Freakeyes?"

"Don't!"

She looked at me weirdly. "What? It's true." Agreed. But still.

I sighed. "Look, it's just that… well, before. He…" Why was I so hesitant? I didn't even know. My feelings were a mystery right then. So that left me confused, because I didn't know what to feel, or what I _was _feeling, or… yeah. So you get the picture. The only thing I was certain of was that that nickname, _Freakeyes_, really tugged at my heartstrings and burned my throat like each letter was a tongue of flame. And I couldn't understand why. Empathy, I guess. Because words like that hurt, never mind the stupid saying.

"What?" Olette jumped me suddenly, grabbing my shoulders and turning me to face her. "What'd 'e do? Did 'e hurt you?"

"Stop being so dramatic, Ollie. Let go of me."

"He did, didn't he?"

"O_ff_," I said, emphasising the 'f'. She backed away, her eyes concerned. "It's not like that," I told her. "He offered me his umbrella."

"…Come again?"

"He offered. His umbrella. Ya know, 'cause of the rain?"

"… He did?"

"Yeah… and I shoved him off. But then I began to think he was genuine, so… feel rotten. Or something."

"He probably wasn't, you know."

I shrugged.

"You got any Philly?"

I stared.

"Philadelphia?"

"Um… I think so."

She sat back properly and propped her feet on the seat opposite, ignoring the sign that asked otherwise (bad streak, remember? She's rebel), and looked incredibly satisfied with the fact that I had cheese spread in my fridge. As if that meant all was right with the world.

I couldn't help it. I laughed.

-VR-

As soon as I closed the front door, Kairi let go of Olette's hand and skipped happily ahead of her into the kitchen, looking completely un-sick like. I wrenched the handle up with more pressure than was exactly necessary, almost broke the key locking the damn thing, and stormed after her.

"You're not ill."

"Way to state the obvious, Nam." Kairi sounded bored. Even at ten she acted like she had teenage hormones hurtling along in her bloodstream. Argh!

"You know, I'm missing Photography right now to babysit your un-sorry behind, you selfish… _pig._"

Olette snorted, slapping a hand against her mouth in an attempt to muffle her laugh. I glared at her. She shrugged in a what-can't-I-breathe kind of way. Kairi was openly laughing. "I'm sorry," she spluttered, completely un-sorry. "But… _pig_?"

I slammed out of the room.

At around eleven that night there was a knock at my door. Olette left ages ago, and so it'd been another exasperating evening with what was left of my family. Ven and Roxas had been their usual selves, inviting their 'band' around to practice in their room (Note: the walls aren't soundproof). Axel had launched into a screaming match with Kairi about how unfair it was that she got to go home early, and the two have been sour all night, giving the rest of us grief. To top it off, Xion had introduced her latest boyfriend, Leon, whom I'd hated on sight and have ever since. She goes through boys like a chav goes through foundation, which is saying something. Tangerine faces. Xion tells us she's trying to find someone to support us, but I dunno. Leon looks more like an emo druggie who'd sooner waste what money we had. Just saying. With all of this, dinner had of course been wonderful (HA) and I'd barricaded my bedroom door for the rest of the evening.

Anyway, so there I was dozing in bed when this sudden loud rap shattered my dreamy state. I groaned. "What?"

The door opened a crack. A head peeked around the corner, red in the light. "Kairi?" I mumbled.

"Nami," she said. "Can I… come in?" She sounded far too old, like the world was on her shoulders. I sat up quickly. Grudges were instantly forgotten. In a family like ours, you had to be able to forgive easily. We didn't have much else but each other.

"Sure, Lollipop," I sighed. That was my nickname for her. Don't ask. I honestly don't remember where it came from. She closed the door and bounced across the room to snuggle against me. Her hands were ice. Her breath shaky.

"You know how I wasn't ill today?" she whispered. It made me think, _secrets_. I hummed tiredly. "I know you're mad," she said. "And it's true. I wasn't. But I had… I had to get out of there."

"Why?" I asked gently, aware that her voice had cracked.

"They said that he's… he's dead."

"Who?"

"The girls… the girls at school –"

"Who's _dead_, Kairi?" Despite myself, I was starting to feel afraid. So help me if this was some guy in a TV show…

"S-Sora," she choked on the name, taking a deep breath to steady herself but the resulting exhalation only made her sob. "They said he's… my Sora –" After that words failed her. She clung to me and shook with her sobs. I held her, stunned. My brain was working quickly, trying to come up with something to say to that. I couldn't. I just couldn't. Sora was her best friend. He'd been missing awhile – what kind of sick ten year old says that to someone? I mean, if it's not true…?

"It might not be true," I said softly.

She calmed immediately, although only slightly. A faint glimmer of hope. She pulled away, and I could see her eyes blinking up at me, the moon's shine in them through the crack in my curtains. "W-What?"

"You should have ignored them, lollipop. Just 'cause they say it doesn't mean it's true. They're lying." Who knew? But I had to believe it myself before she could believe. Besides, I didn't want Sora to be dead. God… the kid was like another little brother to me. They were always together, him and Kai and the silverette – Riku? I think.

"How do you know?" But she wasn't crying anymore. She wanted to believe just as much as me. More than me.

"'Cause… 'cause how would they? I mean, no one even knows where he is." And that's the sad truth of it. "Why don't… you look for him?" It was a hesitant suggestion. I wasn't even sure whether I liked it myself, but… I had to give her something. And it wasn't like a ten year old girl could do much, especially since the police had already tried everything they could think of. And even they couldn't do much because they'd run out of leads far too early and just given up. In fact, it wasn't just the boy. The parents had just up and disappeared off the face of the Earth, too. So there wasn't much to go off. No witnesses, no relatives to speak off. It was like they'd never existed…

"Yeah… yeah, you're right. I could…" her voice was instantly brighter. "Oh my God, you're so right! I should look for him. I should… thank you so much, Nams!"

I found myself grinning, even though she couldn't see it. "No probs." So before was just a façade? She'd been told her friend was dead and come home seemingly fine?

Maybe she _should_ be an actress some day.

-VR-

Leon was still there on Saturday morning. And please, do try to remember that the only reason I knew this was because I saw him stumbling back into Xion's bedroom… in all his naked glory. That was a nasty discovery. God knows what that meant had happened last night… ugh. Images! No, forget that. I saw it all up close and personal. Holy crap. I wanted to die. If only so I didn't have to keep on seeing… ughhhh.

But there was a good discovery, too. I mean, it mostly made up for that unexpected eye-opener.

I found out that we – that is to say Ven, Roxas, Axel, Kairi and I – were one hundred percent united in our dislike for our elder's newest BF. I mean, c'mon, Axel's a seven year old who's mostly blasé when he meets strangers and he can tell a bad egg when he sees one. I rest my case.

Ven and Roxas quickly decided it'd be nice to go to the zoo, and as soon as we were all fixed up for the day ahead we were off. I was surprised they didn't just abandon ship and leave us all to the sharks – or at least leave the kids to me – but it was a good surprise. I guess it just goes to show had tightly-knit we actually are, even if we didn't exactly act it most of the time.

Roxas was adamant that the day trip was purely to give me a chance to draw animals, and the kids a chance to, well, be kids and enjoy watching the animals. But I still managed to catch him looking at the deer – the wonder in his eyes. He never mentioned to me the drawing of a stag's head he found on his duvet that night, or what he did with it. But Xion swears it wasn't in the twins' bin when she emptied it the next day.

Sunday was the usual business. It was Ven's turn to drive. Thankfully, he didn't make one complaint the whole way, but when I stepped out he leaned over and said, "Hey, remember to ask this time. Okay?"

"Sorry?"

"You know, the people. The crew. I don't know, just try and do something about getting that form for Kairi."

"Ven…"

"I know," he said. "But at least then you can say you tried. Right?"

I sighed and nodded before saying my good byes. She'd been pestering for weeks, and I'd told her time and time again that there wasn't much I could do. I mean, she was under sixteen so there was a whole load of legal shizz about that kind of thing. And she's be with an entirely different agency because mine didn't work with under sixteen's, and all kinds of other things she'd probably never thought about but actually would make and do make a whole lot of difference.

But I did ask around, believe me. Only you don't really get much of a chance in this business as an extra because breaks are short and normally you can't fucking find them before time's up because they've scarpered to the crew lounge or whatever (at least, the big cheese do) and yeah, you ask the people who go in to fetch such a body but by the time they get back to you break's over and all you get is 'Sorry, I don't have time.' Or something. And you don't get a second chance.

Oh, well. I guessed it'd be like Ven said. At least I could say I tried.

-VR-

I saw him again on Tuesday. Alone, walking towards college ahead of me. Seifer and that lot slowed down in front of him, and he couldn't exactly stop walking so he ended up walking up to them. Seifer tripped him. Anyone who saw laughed. He said something to Seifer. It must have been bad, because Seifer definitely got angry. And Raijin, his 'bodyguard' for lack of a better word (and he was ALL brawns. Brain about the size of an ant and much less intelligent) shoved him so hard he lost his footing and went sprawling. Fuujin (who showed less emotion than paint) took his backpack and opened it, silently upending it and watching everything fall. They left him like that, and so did everyone else.

Me included.


	3. 02: Love Yourself

Hey guys! Just so you know I edited the preface so it made more sense, plus I've put up an explanation on chapter one - just in case.  
>Thanks to caitlinkeitorin for pointing the confusing-ness out, as well as basically Beta reading and telling me my mistakes!<br>Can I have some more reviews this time? 3 reviews for 2 chapters kinda makes me lose enthusiasm for this.

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><p><strong>TWO:<br>Love Yourself**

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><p><em>I don't get this, Blueyes. I don't get people. I don't get why they do this to me. They just do. And I take it. Like a good little boy.<em>

_Gotta get through this. Gotta watch that light at the end of the tunnel. You see that? Of course you do. You keep on watching, Blueyes. Don't stop watching, alright? Not for anything. Gotta hold onto that. Can't let it go out. You know what that would mean._

_I'm counting the days, now. Counting the days since it happened. Sixty-seven, Blueyes. Can you believe it? Sixty-seven days since – well, you know what. Dunt seem that long, dunnit? But there you go. Sixty-seven days. Chew on that, Blueyes. Tastes like rust, dunnit? Blood._

_I knew what she was thinking, y'know. The girl. Little pale waif of a girl, weren't she? But she stood tall. Stood up straight. To me. Spat my concern right back in my face, left me in the dust. Like the rest of them. I could see the doubt in her eyes. The fear. Guess I shouldn't blame her. I don't. Not really. Reputation follows me like a black cloud. "Fuck off, you freak!" I know. I know. Sympathy's dead these days. Conformity's very much alive. Dunt know me from Adam but I'm still a freak. Will always be a freak. Perhaps I should try again, somewhere, someone else. Perhaps I should invest in contact lenses – watch the world through a haze for a while. Anything for acceptance._

_But the next Thursday – Blueyes, she took my breath away. Picture this: Sun. Grass. Tree. Base. A race. Second place. She murdered that ground to get to the front. So much determination for something so small, and the pride in her eyes. The joy. She won. I couldn't believe it. So much speed in so little. Winner. Always the winner. But never me, Blueyes. Loser all the way. And that's okay, really. As long as she's a winner. 'cause that's why I'm here. Remember? I haven't forgotten yet._

_-_VR-

"Whew!" I collapsed onto the grass, breathing hard.

"Noooooo!" Selphie whined, falling over onto the dirt. "No! No! _No_! Why'd you have to go and shatter my dreams, Naminé? You're so _mean_!"

"No, she just ran. Faster. Than you," Olette said rather reasonably.

"Well, she could have _let_ me win! I have big dreams! I have to –"

"Be good enough for Tidus. Yada yada. Yawn," Olette lay down next to me, making the most of the unusually sunny day. I closed my eyes.

"God! What am I even doing here with you meanies? Maybe I should go and bother Hayner for a while."

"Don't you dare!" But Selphie was laughing. And running for her life, apparently. Olette charged her like an angry bull, knocking them both to the ground. By then they were both in hysterics. Until suddenly one stopped, and then the other. I mean, obviously, you can't keep laughing forever. But it was so abrupt. Weird.

"Hey, Nami… Freakeyes is staring at you," Selphie came over to whisper conspiratorially to me.

"Yeah," Olette crouched at my other side, also whispering. "Like you're something he wants to eat."

"Woof woof!"

Olette fell laughing again. "Selph, wolves don't woof, they howl."

"Like this? _How-wuuuuuuuuw_!"

"Selphie!" Olette shoved her so she fell back on her butt from her traditional-howling-woof pose, crouched down with arms straight to the ground. Both were giggling like crazy.

By this time my eyes were, of course, open (lest I developed the ability to see through my eyelids). I struggled to sit up. "Stop it, you guys."

"What? We're just having a bit of fun."

"Yeah, by making fun of someone else," I pointed out.

"She was like this last week," Olette sighed. "Telling me off for calling him Freakeyes."

"Yes, and I still don't appreciate it. Thanks."

They exchanged a look. I rolled my eyes, deciding to ignore them and look around to see if he was still there. We were by the side entrance to Elderton (our college was strange – on two separate campuses. Elderton Lane and Sandringham Avenue. Luckily enough, the roads are connected, but it's a pain going back and forth) on the grass between the car entrance and the car park (of course, there's breaks in the grass for the cars). Some guys were kicking a ball around in the little courtyard thing (basically a rectangle of concrete surrounded by low brick walls – well, mostly. Which in turn was surrounded by grass (I don't know. Ask the college)). But Vanitas was definitely not one of them. A few other groups of students lounging on the grass, but not him. I sighed. Perhaps he'd noticed Ollie and Selph looking and scarpered already. Suddenly I wondered how he spent his lunch breaks – I mean, he did have friends but… he wasn't much of a social person. Or at least he didn't seem to be. Whatever. _God_, listen to me! He was a human being, just like the rest of us. Stop treating him like an alien, Naminé.

Selphie said something to me. As I'd mostly tuned them out, I didn't hear what she'd said. "Sorry?" I said.

"What's up with you? You used to be fine about it."

"Yeah, well, people change." Things happen. Like weird feelings in my belly. "'Sides, it's just… not nice."

"Huh." They exchanged another look.

And suddenly I just wanted to be somewhere far, far away from them.

"Look…" I stood up, gathering my things. "I'm gonna go. I'll see you guys."

I left without waiting for a reply. I didn't really know where I was going, although since I had English next I figured I may as well head over to Sandringham. Once there, since there was plenty of time to kill, I thought I'd do a little exploring.

You see, since my English class was basically at the door I never had much reason to venture further into Sandringham campus. But now, well… why not?

So I ventured into the deep unknown (haha, dramatic much? But it kinda was). Of course, there was always the problem of getting lost, but I figured I could just ask someone for directions (hilarious, I know) or just stumble across something familiar once I was done and… viola, home ground again. Or something. I was passing the music rooms, of course, when I heard it. Someone was playing acoustic. I _loved_ acoustic songs, and ballads. I guess I'm just a hopeless romantic, or a soppy puddle of soppiness, at heart. Red-handed, guilty as charged, whatever. The truth, though. And as Fate would have it, the door was… closed. I stood there and tried to look as if I had a purpose hanging around the door to one of the music rooms, but people still looked at me funny. Who cares, though? I was listening to some of the best guitar solos I'd ever heard. And suddenly a guy started singing… I shivered. Jesus… maybe not everyone's cup of tea, but I felt warm just listening.

_Hey girl, you know, you drive me crazy  
><em>_One look puts the rhythm in my hand  
><em>_Still I'll never understand –_

"Hey, are ya going in?"

I jumped, whirling around. It was some random dude, blonde Mohawk, blue eyes. He bypassed me to open the door. "Well?" he said, giving me a hesitant smile, which I hesitantly returned. I didn't know what to do other than go in – my curiosity was well too strong. And I was the cat, of course.

So I went in.

And let me tell you, there was so much _space_. I could see the open door of what I came to learn was the store cupboard for most of the instruments. There was a piano directly in front of me, covered with a blue curtain by the looks of it. Stands, for sheet music, were all over the place with no apparent pattern. Chairs were stacked by the walls. And those wide stairs – tiers? – such as you get with orchestras, were to the left of the door, at the top of which was the storage room. The tiers (?) were carpeted grey, the ground level floor a pale wood. For a moment I just stared at all this room, so unfamiliar to an artist of my sort, until I realised the wonderful music had stopped.

I finally focused on the figures in the room.

A blonde girl with funny antennae-like wisps of hair thrown back, the rest of her hair smooth. A boy with blue hair that covered half of his face, sitting next to the guitar that must have produced the music I'd heard. And also – well.

"what are _you_ doin' here?" Vanitas said semi-rudely. He sounded stumped, in a I-would-be-rude-but-I'm-too-shocked-so-he's-my-suckish-attempt sorta way. You know what? So was I.

Stay calm. Stay calm. "Uh… hi?" I smiled awkwardly.

"You know her? Huh. She was just stood outside, so I asked if she wanted to come in," the dude from outside said.

"Sheez, Dem. What is it with you and strays?" the girl asked, sounded exasperated yet oddly bored. She had her back to a tier, her arms spread, legs crossed, chewing what I could only assume was bubblegum (or maybe not - you never know. People chew anything these days).

"Sympathy, I guess? She looked lost."

The same time the girl said 'So?' Vanitas spoke up. "Well, no duh. She doesn't have classes around here," he said, raising his eyebrows at me.

"I was just exploring," I said in my defence. Yeah, folks. Just so you know? I'm not a _complete_ basket case. And then I realised something. "Hey, how would you know? Anyway?"

Vanitas shrugged. "Never seen you around here," he explained.

My mind was working, flashing thoughts at me. And I was thinking about this new situation I'd found myself in. Yeah, it was a bit unexpected, running into him like this. But… now would actually be a great time to apologize. Because I suddenly realised it was very, very possible that he had been genuine. So I was a jerk. Plus completely out of order when I… threw everything back at him. So.

"Um… Vanitas? Look, about last Friday…"

He waved me off, suddenly nonchalant. "Hey, no sweat. It's cool." He offered a crooked smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

Translation: _it fucking stung, but I'm used to it, and right now I can't be arsed. So piss off._ And I was only too happy to oblige, when I turned around to notice that the girl had jumped down and closed the door, thus trapping me in the room. Shit.

"No, it's not," she argued, looking up at Vanitas. "It is so not cool, Van." And then she turned to me, and her eyes were icy both in emotion and colour. I could tell she was moments away from ripping into me, verbally (I hope), so I quickly agreed with her, saying that yes, it wasn't cool at all. She looked slightly taken aback and… disappointed? Whatever. I turned back to Vanitas.

"I just want to say I'm sorry. Okay?" Please don't kill me. "She's right; I shouldn't have said what I said. Or did what I did. I just thought… I didn't think-"

"Which is the problem with you airheads," the girl hissed, tugging me around roughly to look at her. "You don't _think_. We have feelings just like you, bitch."

"Cool it, Larx," the dude – Dem? – said. He stepped up beside me and put a hand on both our shoulders. "Stop lashing into her. She's apologizing, ain't she?"

"Still an airhead," Larx muttered.

"Hey," I said, suddenly angry. Being accused wrongly does that to you. I glared into her eyes. "I _feel_ about _that_, okay? I fucking take _offense_ to _that_."

Larx stared at me. So did Dem. And I couldn't see the other two, but I was pretty sure the spots burning on the back of my head weren't from concentrated beams of sunlight. So that would definitely be Vanitas. I could even imagine the silent blue-haired boy might be staring, his attention actually away from the book he was reading. I swallowed, thinking maybe I'd overstepped the line with that one, but…

Laughter. I whirled around, shocked, to find that, yes, Vanitas was laughing his head off. And he was laughing his head off genuinely. I stared. My jaw dropped. He was doubled up, howling at his knees. But then he raised his head and there were definitely tears of laughter shining in his eyes, and for a moment I was looking at a pair of suns.

"Oh God," he gasped, and he looked like he wanted to say something else too, but he was suddenly busy ducking down and trying to hold back another wave of laughter, if the way he shook was any indication. And the other guy was definitely staring too, now, with raised eyebrows. I looked at Dem for reassurance, just to make sure the dark-haired boy regularly lost his mind and it wasn't just me.

Dem was grinning at me. He winked. "Nice one," he said, but then quickly looked at Larx, like he was afraid he shouldn't have said that. I did, too, for exactly the same reason, thinking she'd be boiling mad. So you can imagine the fresh wave of confused shock when I saw she was standing there merely looking thoughtful, a slight smile on his pale lips.

"Huh," she muttered. "So the kitten does have bite. Feisty. I might just like you yet, kid." And then she smiled for real and ruffled my hair before going back to sit on her tier. I was entirely dumbstruck. What just happened?

Suddenly, Dem threw his arm around my shoulders. I looked at him, his smiling face. "My friend, my friend," he beamed. "You got a name to go with that nasty little tongue of yours?"

"N-Naminé. Sataski." I was overwhelmed. Here I'd thought they'd dive on me like vultures, only they didn't. My mind was on a loop, _WTF just happened? WTF? Just happened?_

"So, Nami." Dem was still smiling. A shock went through me at his casual use of a nickname, but it felt strangely okay. Like, maybe he should call me 'Nami'. Why not? I was still thinking of him as 'Dem', anyway… and I was pretty sure _that _was a nickname… right? "What classes did you take?" he asked me as he led me over to the tiers. I sat down automatically, without thinking. Like this was normal. And I realised suddenly and briefly that with Dem, at least, I was comfortable. But I didn't have much time to think about that, or the fact that I was now sitting with the very people that had but seconds ago seemed like they would devour me, because I found myself answering him. And then there were more questions, and more answers… and we were talking. All of us. And after a while there was no urge to leave, no twist in my gut that said _I don't want to be here_, and after another while I wondered if there ever had been… because despite the threat they'd been, I was weirdly fascinated by this group of friends.

Something within me felt like flying. I was talking with new people (new friends?) and with Vanitas… of all people? But every now and then, when I looked at him and he looked at me, and I saw his eyes… I don't know. It felt different.

It was almost like I was… accepted.

And I liked it.

So I stayed with them for the rest of lunch. I remember thinking, at some point, about how a lot of the talk was about each other, like getting-to-know-you kind of talk… which made me think of that cartoon version of that film, 'The King and I'. And then (yippee) I had the song stuck in my head for the rest of the day. … And now I do again.

The girl was Larxene (and no, I am defo not using her nickname). First year of college, eighteen years old. Classes: Law, Psychology, Maths.

"How do you _live_?" I couldn't help but ask. I'd always needed an art-based subject to balance academics. Classes like hers would just about kill me.

"You know what? I don't actually know." She smirked and ruffled my hair, which I was not grateful for.

The boy, Dem, was actually Demyx (ha! I knew it). First year, seventeen. Classes: Music, Drama, Biology.

"Biology?" Slipped from my tongue when he told me. It seemed odd, having arts and then – Biology.

"What?" he said with a playful pout. "I like plants." Well, okay. Take a class in Biology then. Makes all the sense in the world.

The other boy wouldn't say much, but he told me (el gaspo! He speaks!) he was Ienzo, and likes to read books. Which I guessed was fair enough. I was a stranger, after all.

"So you don't play guitar?"

Ienzo looked at me funny. "No..." Well, excuse me for asking. So who played the guitar? But something stopped me from asking. Something… a feeling in my belly...

But then it was Vanitas' turn to tell me something, and I ignored my feeling in my belly… because despite reputations I didn't actually know anything about him. No one really did. All anyone saw was the eyes. Sad, I know. But screw what anyone tells you, appearances are everything. Once Seifer and his cronies pounced on him no one has thought to see anything else. And that's the truth right there. I counted myself for one of those people, but… I was getting past the golden gaze. Friday, for the moment, was forgotten. He was just another guy.

"Um," he said, as I looked at him expectantly. "I like music."

There was a beat of silence in the room that said '…'.

"Wow, Van," Dem sighed, eventually. "Big on details, much?"

"Even I said more than that," Ienzo added with slightly raised eyebrows, just, I guess, to make a point.

"Fine," he grumbled, turning to me. "Eighteen. Music, PE, Dance –"

"_Dance_?" Intriguing. The beans had spilled.

"What, you wanna make something of it?"

"He wants to be, like, a lead singer or something," Dem grinned. "He figures that dance is part of the package."

"Hey, lead singers _do _dance. They prance across stages all the time."

"But that's not dancing."

"Do they fall flat on their faces?"

I giggled from the images I was getting. That was a picture, for sure. Gerard Way, tripping on stage. Oh, the shame.

"Uh, no?"

"Dancing's not all about putting a load of moves together. It's about being light on your feet and –"

"Oh, can it, will you?" Larxene said, shoving Vanitas – who gave her a dirty look - before standing up. I felt like giving her the finger with my eyes, too, for interrupting him like that. The look on his face… it'd changed. Like, it was something he _wanted _to talk about. He _wanted _me to know. And he was proud of it. And he wanted to share it with me… and then he got shoved and shushed. There was something almost hurt in the glance he flickered at her before it turned hard, and I couldn't help wondering…

"Well, kiddies, I'm afraid this is farewell," Larxene continued unabashed. "Adieu!"

"Where're you going?" I asked, curious. Dem coughed, hiding the word 'boyfriend' that escaped his mouth not so subtly. Larxene clipped him around the head as she passed.

"You're just jealous," she cooed, slipping out the door.

"Yeah, 'cause I swing that way," Dem mumbled, rubbing his head.

"Aw, Dem. I've said already. Can't we just be friends?" Vanitas asked, pretending Dem hadn't just been sarcastic. The glint in his eyes was back to its evil self. I sighed. I'd bring the dancing back up but… meh. Didn't know how.

Dem gasped, leaping to his feet. "You bitch!" he said, all high-pitched and camp-like, making to flounce off in a fashion. Vanitas smirked and rolled his eyes, clearly not completely getting it. And then staring with disbelief when a loud laugh burst out of me, followed by so much that I couldn't breathe I was laughing so hard. I guessed Dem'd seen Legally Blonde 2 as well, and he was grinning at me as he loped back to us, like he knew I'd understood.

"Hey, I'm curious," I finally managed to wheeze out, clutching at my sides. I looked at Vanitas. "You sing? Like, that was you? Before?"

"Huh… yeah." The smirk faded to an awkward smile. Score! I couldn't help thinking it was miles prettier to look at.

"You were amazing!" I had my breath back when I said that, but I felt slightly winded. That was Vanitas? Seriously? Then again, both voices had the same deep, husky quality…

I repressed a shiver.

"Save your breath, Nam. Flattery's lost on this one. He's too modest," Dem grabbed Vanitas in a headlock, ruffling his already rumpled hair, which Vanitas did not like.

Eventually he managed to worm out of Dem's armpit, quickly backtracking to prevent it happening again. "I'm not _that_ good." And he rolled his eyes towards me again. But something about those rings of molten sunshine still suggested to me that he was grateful for the comment, despite the blasé way he blew it off.

"You see?" Dem made a sudden lunge for him, but Vanitas bounced back, ready for it. He gave Dem a look that said _c'mon, then_ and sneered at him. But Dem was unperturbed, obviously used to the behaviour, and lunged again. Vanitas laughed mockingly as he was consequently chased around the room, and Dem was quickly getting worked up about the fact that he couldn't catch him.

"Sorry, but an athlete beats a musician in this field, hun," Vanitas said as he took advantage of a momentary lapse in offense, shoving Dem down.

"Hey! You _sing_!" I was surprised to see that the blonde was taking this all in his stride, but then, as I'd already sussed, I guessed he was used to it.

Ienzo sighed. I looked at him. He was watching the other two with this odd look on his face, like a father annoyed by his children, but what can you do?

"How old are you?" I asked. And then quickly added, "Not to seem rude, or anything, if it offends you…"

"No, it doesn't offend me," he said softly, before turning to me. He seemed so much gentler, suddenly. "Twenty."

"…Wow." I so did not see that coming. He looked my age. My God, I was a baby. That was, like, a four year age gap. He smiled at me, just a little, presumably from my expression.

"I know. I could get away with sixteen, right?"

"Something like that."

"I like to think of it as… a good thing." He turned back to the boys, who were currently engaged in a tussle, trying to get each other into a headlock. It seemed like the roles were suddenly reversed. Dem was getting angry at the fact that he kept losing… and Vanitas looked like he was having the time of his life. I stared.

"Guys," Ienzo said. The other two were instantly still, turning to him. I guess when someone's normally so silent you pay attention when they speak. Amazing. I should definitely try that sometime.

"I'm gonna go. Gotta do some stuff at the library."

"You've always got stuff at the library," Dem complained a bit more angrily than he probably should have, but I guess that's understandable… as Vanitas so helpfully demonstrated by suddenly taking advantage of his diverted attention and pouncing like a lion from the grass, grabbing him around the head.

Ienzo gave a nonchalant wave over his shoulder as he left, obviously non-too worried about them killing each other or anything, which I was starting to fear. So then it was just me and two violent boys. Oh, the joys of life. Although, in a way, they kinda reminded me of Ven and Roxas. Boys will be boys, I suppose. At least it was something I was familiar with. Hang on…

"Hey, Vanitas." …and I was ignored.

"Vanitas!" I shouted. He stopped to look at me, his expression taken aback like _alright don't get your knickers in a twist._ I bristled, suddenly wanting nothing more than to step up to the challenge. But then Dem slipped from his grasp and darted across the room the crouch next to me and hang onto my arm for dear life.

"Save me!" he pleaded. "I'll be good, I swear!"

"You did start it, you know," I reminded him. The way he touched me so casually made me feel good, because it meant he was comfortable with me, too. He gave me puppy eyes. I sighed and faked reluctance. "Okay, fine." He cheered.

"Naminé, you traitor," Vanitas grouched. "How could you?" He smirked sarcastically, trying to get a rise out of me. This time I refused to take the bait.

"How could I what?" I asked boredly. "Look, my brothers have this band, okay? Their lead singer, like, sucks. Monkey balls."

"Monkey?" He gave me the crooked grin again, suddenly dropping the cocky act. Apparently that was amusing enough to let him drop his guard. Score! Life was grand.

"Yeah. So anyway. Wanna see if they'll take you?"

"Dunno." He sat down on my other side, as in the side away from Dem, whilst shrugging. Dem cowered theatrically, before scampering off to the cupboard.

"Aw, c'mon. You'll blow their socks off."

"In a literal sense? That could be fun." He was looking at his lap, but then he cocked his head to the side and smirked at me, meeting my gaze. Was he flirting? I hope he was, because it was making me want to melt, anyway. My stomach jolted pleasantly. Vanitas playing coy was making me feel more than warm.

"So that's a yes?" Was _I_ flirting? I really don't know. Blame it on the reflexes. How could anyone resist that?

He looked at me. I met his eyes. And you know what? I hardly noticed the colour. They just were. Part of him.

"Since you want me to so much."

-VR-

As I sat down in sixth period, the class right after lunch, I was suddenly overwhelmed with total WTFness.

As in, _I acted like I was their best friend when they'd been close to beating the shit out of me, and then I flirted with VANITAS. What is WRONG with the world? _

As I sat there, turning it over again and again in my head, trying to make sense of… reliving it… the girl that sat opposite me said 'hi'.

I returned the greeting. And as she began to talk to me and I replied, I put the whole episode in a file that said 'to be mulled over a damn lot more' and closed the cabinet.

In my mind, of course.

-VR-

So I did that whilst waiting at the school gates for Kairi and Axel, as it was my turn to pick them up. Completely disregarding the fact I'd spent half of yesterday babysitting one of them, but whatever. It was time to compose myself, so I wouldn't complain. Much.

I suppose sometimes in life you come across people who you just click with. I mean, it was like being with Olette or maybe even Selphie, even though I don't know the latter quite as well. But anyway. You get the picture, right? Like… best friends. Or really really good friends. Not bloody acquaintances, for crying out loud. You don't act like that with acquaintances! It's just not _natural_. They're strangers, I don't know shit about them, yet – it was just so _easy_…

Blehhhhh.

"Nami!" Kairi flew at me, practically sweeping me off my feet. In a bad way. Okay? _Bad._

"Woaaah," I said as I regained my balance and pried her off me. "Yes, hello. It's your sister that you see, what, every single day?"

"Oh, hush. You're no fun. Where's Axe?"

"Clearly not here." She rolled her eyes.

"What evs," she chirped. I raised my eyebrows. She was so… bouncy.

"Okay, spill. Did you take happy pills this morning?"

"Happy?" She stopped bouncing. Not a good sign. I wanted to say, no, keep being bubbly. It's okay. I'm just asking. Please? Oh crap. Now she was sad.

"Kairi?"

"I went to the police."

I paused, processing this. "I'm sorry… _what_?"

"I went to the police."

"…_What_?"

"I went to the police!" she shouted. "I went to the police! Okay? I went to the _police_!"

"But… why?" I was so thoroughly confused. People were staring, but I ignored them. Kairi was hanging her head and mumbling something. I crouched down so that I had to look up at her, trying to catch her eyes.

"Kairi? Lollipop, I didn't hear…" I then got a sudden brainwave. God, I was so dumb. "Is it Sora?" Her face crumpled.

"They won't help me," she whispered, meeting my eyes. Hers were crystallised sapphires, bleeding shaky tears. "Nami, why won't they help me?"

-VR-

She told me she'd lied yesterday. Instead of going to Riku's, she'd gone to the police with him. She told me she said she was there to report a missing person. They'd asked for a name. She'd told them – Sora, of course, Sora. Her best friend. They'd asked for a second name. She didn't know. Some recognised Sora. They said they knew he was missing, they knew ages ago. They said there was nothing more they could do. They said they hadn't been able to find him. They had no lead. It wasn't doable. But he's still missing, she'd said. He's still missing. They'd said they dropped the case ages ago; he wasn't missing, just gone. And she'd said yes, he was. He was missing. He was missing from her side.

-VR-

What _is _wrong with the world?


	4. 03: So No One Has To

Fun fact: Ienzo, Larxene and Demyx weren't actually supposed to be there. They just kind of were, suddenly. Cue raised eyebrows.  
>Heeeeeeeey, guys! I am so so happy. Why am I so so happy? Reviews! Caitlinkeitorin, as ever, and now xx(dot)domino (stupid FF). Thank you so much for telling me your thoughts. I've been meaning to reply but life's a bastard that keeps getting in the way. Yes, I'll continue this. If only to hear what you have to say. You both made my day when I found those emails that said 'Review Alert'. And that's before reading! –grins stupidly-<p>

And thank you, domino, for discovering the story 3 chapters in yet still reviewing each one. Not many people would do that.  
>The other POV's getting really obvious here. And yes, you're probably right. No, I'm not gonna go all original and have it turn out to be someone completely irrelevant. This is more fun.<p>

Caitlinkeitorin! (I'd like to pretend I shouted that but your name is a bit of a mouthful. I KNOW! Can I give _you _a nickname? :D) Yes, there might be a slight overuse of that. the nickname thing, I mean. I'll keep that in mind. It just seemed more natural but I looked again and realised you were right. I still call my friend's their full names, though most of my family is 'Beth', 'Andy', 'Jo' or whatever. Also, you didn't look for mistakes. I'm gonna take that as a good sign ;D

Don't worry domino, I'm not used to Naminé/Vanitas either. But the idea refused to go away and Naminé best fits the character. You'll see why. 'Sides, I'm really lovin' this. It makes a change, you know? And yup, the family's supposed to sound bipolar. I love writing bipolar sibling/family things plus reading them. No idea why. Yes, the college is based off my college. I'm imaginative that way. I guess colleges are bigger than schools? Oh my God, you've given me such a good idea and I'm so mean I'm not gonna tell you what (8D) 'Blueyes' wasn't actually supposed to be any particular person (if you've read BLADE by Tim Bowler you'll get what I mean, but if you haven't it's just kind of like a second consciousness. Or an imaginary friend. But now I'm getting ideas).

You may also be starting to notice that the chapter titles are from a song. This is owned by All Time Low, peeps. The band, not the song.

Now that I think about it, I haven't disclaimed yet. Oops? Why do we do this, anyway? It's pretty the obvious characters don't belong to me. Anyway, Naminé and co. belong to Nomura, the guy who took an elevator ride that changed his life.

Wow, I'll stop talking now.

* * *

><p><strong>THREE:<br>So No One Has To**

* * *

><p><em>Why did she do that, Blueyes? I don't get it. She acted like my friend. Apologized. Which is great, of course. Still. Gotta be careful with this. I'm tripping over her smile. Can't keep up with her. Too slow. Way too slow. But she's a winner, so I guess I should be proud. What d'you think, Blueyes? I know. I know. But I'll always be the loser.<em>

_The guys liked her, so I guess I can't complain. Eggshells. That's how it feels, Blueyes. Gotta light-foot around this one. Put all that dance into practice. _

_So I'm dozing there in that wide open room. Birds are singing past the noise of the microphone. Wishing I was in the music room. Strange sunshine. Should be cold soon, but weathers spazzed these days. Doesn't know what to do. Like me.  
>Can you feel that warmth, Blueyes? It starts right here, in my chest. I think it's gonna hurt, but it'll be nice for a while. A little sun on my heart. Wait for the burn.<em>

_I'm humming to myself but this tune's lost on me. Maybe I'll give it some words, y'know? Give her a song. Teach her a dance, perhaps. Who knows?  
>Today's assembly is emotions. I got some emotions, Blueyes. Too many sometimes. 'Specially when she's around. Now why's that, you reckon? Too full, Blueyes, I could burst. And there she is. Look at her. You see her, Blueyes? That's my angel, that is. I'm sure this time.<em>

-VR-

"Olette!"

We both looked up. It was Hayner, waving madly, pointing at the seats behind him. Olette waved back slightly. I could see the blush on her face. I nudged her. She turned to me.

"What?" she said. I just smiled and shook my head. She was so into this guy it was funny, 'cause she still denied it.

We took the seats behind him and he turned so he was sideways on his seat, propping his feet up on the one beside him. "Hey, ladies." I got the feeling the seat next to him had been for Olette, but since I was there two seats were needed. I liked this guy. He could be sweet sometimes, but mostly he was a little… dumb. Like most guys, I guess (no offense, I mean. This is just with my experience of guys and what they're like and – ugh. Forget it). "So, Happiness. What'd you reckon?"

The assembly was about emotions. Or more specifically, Happiness. I don't know why. Maybe everyone was feeling a little miserable from exam stress, so they thought they'd stick us through half an hour of happy-promoting activities. Or something. The question on the big screen was, 'What Makes You Happy?' and I was trying to figure out what this meant. As in, what we'd be doing. But I had an answer for Hayner.

"Dunno. Friends, I guess." Well, gee. I love you too, Ollie.

"Maybe even y –" Olette shoved me to shut me up, making me bash shoulders with this random girl who then gave me a dirty look.

"Ignore her. She's crazy on caffeine right now." I should probably have protested to that. Pretty sure it was a slam on my intelligence.

Instead I said, "Ollie, I don't drink coffee. Or tea. Hot chocolate all the way."

"Hey, me too," Hayner grinned. "Coffee's for posers." Olette coughed, being a rabid coffee-fan and all. "I mean, for very sensible, mature and beautiful young people who…"

"Are generally healthier in that they avoid all the sugar?" I supplied.

"Uh, yeah. What she said."

Olette giggled.

The girl next to me, the one I'd shoulder-bumped, shoved a stack of scrap paper at me. I caught them, and then gave her a WTF look.

"You're supposed to pass it 'round," she hissed with a smirk that called me stupid and glinting eyes that shared the sentiment. I gave her back her own dirty look before taking a piece from the pile and passing it to Ol, who had been too busy flirting to notice the exchange. I explained it to her, and she just took one silently whilst laughing at what Hayner had just said. Now feeling left out and too lazy to be all 'what's the joke?' I decided to scan the room that had basically stopped filling with students. I found Ienzo sitting with some guys I didn't recognise, his blue hair really stood out. Selphie was with Yuffie and those girls from her sports class she hung around with now and then, drawing attention just with how loud she is. And before I could look further a guy stepped into the middle of the 'stage', that is, the floor space that all the tiered seats surrounded, calling for attention.

"Alright, guys," he said through the microphone. I didn't quite catch the name, something foreign, but that was one hell of a bald patch. He looked Chinese/ Japanese (I could never tell them apart) but had hardly any hint of an accent. "Has everyone got a piece of scrap paper? Yes? You have? Good. Now, I want you all to write down something, anything, that makes you happy. It could be your mum's pancakes in the morning –" here some people, predictably, laughed. "Or it could be playing basketball with your mates. I don't really mind what you write, just as long as it's _appropriate._ You have three minutes."

Whaaaaat?

Hayner looked like he was having trouble processing this random task too.

"C'mon, guys," Olette said, already scribbling. "Quit your whining. It's not rocket science." I tried to peer at what she'd written, but she hid from me. I raised my eyebrows at her suggestively. "It's not like that," she argued, although her cheeks began to take on a reddish hue.

"It so is," I grinned. I looked at my paper. What made me happy? Payday. Sunbathing. Painting. Drawing. Being in the music room…

I shook my head. Crazy. I'd only been once. Yet… there was a certain atmosphere in there. It was so open. And, of course, the people… I sighed. Yup, completely crazy. I mean, I'd smiled and said 'Hello' a few times when passing them in the hallway, but hadn't really got around to anything else. Like, going back to the music room. Okay, I tell a lie. I _did_ go again. Once. After endless amounts of searching for the room. But no one was there.

"Write something, Nam," Olette urged me. "They're collecting them." I looked up. A teacher was going around with a hat, making everyone put their pieces of scrap paper in. Shit. I wrote something down about getting paid and was ready when the hat came our way. The teacher smiled at me. I wondered why.

The papers were all tipped into a bag-less bin. Bald-patch plunged his arm in to the elbow and fished one out. "Okay," he said. "This person likes… chip butties after swimming sessions." Laughs. Someone shoved someone else in the opposite tier. Another scrap. "This one enjoys camping with their… homies." More laughter. "What're _homies_? Anyway." Another. "This one likes to ride their horse." Another. "Rambling?" Laughter. He looked up. "Finally, someone else who enjoys hearing their own voice." He grinned as some people giggled a little, before picking up another scrap. I wanted to say something about how rambling is also walking, but that would be embarrassing. Mostly for him, though. "Okay, for this person…" he stopped, staring at the paper. There was a brief silence. He looked up at us. "Is there anyone here called Naminé Sataski?"

_What?_ Another silence. Some people looked at me. I felt like sinking down in my chair and hopefully through the floor. My heart pounded, adrenaline-fueled from the shock. How the heck did this guy know my name? Suddenly, Olette's hand shot up. "She's here!" she called, pointing at me. I felt like hitting her right then, but all I could do was meet Bald-patch's eyes as bravely as I could. He smiled at me, and I thought for a second it was almost warm.

"Hey, Naminé," he said. "According to this, you make someone else in this room happy. Congrats!"

Some people wolf-whistled. Others just laughed.

I wanted to die.

-VR-

I mean, it's all well and nice, knowing you make someone happy. But publically? Really? He didn't have to read it ALOUD. He could have… taken me aside after assembly. Or something. I dunno. Just not humiliated me like that.

Assembly was held in Sandringham. We stumbled out of the darkened hall and blinked into the sunlight. A lot of people were still looking at me, even after half an hour of distracting activities. Someone patted my back mockingly as they past. Someone else met my eyes and wolf-whistled, their friends laughed. I turned away. Jealous. They were all so jealous! Yes! That would be it! They were just jealous that someone else was happy, and because I was the only connection they slated me! (I'm such a genius.)

Someone shoved past suddenly. It was that damn girl again, Shoulder-bump. God, could she hold a grudge or what? "Way to go, _Sataski_," she said sarcastically with a smirk. Another girl walking next to her said, "Yeah, nice one. Do you give him great blow jobs or something?" I came to a halt, my mouth open. The hell? They both hooted with laughter and walked off, casting looks over their shoulders.

Olette took my arm and pulled my out of the way of the doors. "Just ignore them, Nami," she told me. I shook my head, tugging myself out of her grasp. "Where are you going?" she called after me as I began to walk as fast as I could without running, heading further into Sandringham. I couldn't reply. I knew if I did I'd start crying.

For some time I just walked along both unfamiliar and familiar corridors, breathing hard and gulping to keep the tears at bay. When I came across a corridor I'd already walking along, I stopped. Dumping my backpack on the floor, I leaned against the wall and sank down next to it, pulling up my knees so I could hide my face from the world. Twenty-one minutes 'till the end of lunch, my watch told me. I wasn't hungry anymore. It was too long. Way way too long.

"Kiddo? Is that you?"

I recognised that voice. Wiping my eyes on my sleeve to try and erase any trace of tears, I looked up at Larxene. Her eyebrows rose.

"So it is! I was wondering when we'd see you again." I smiled blearily as my eyes began to fill with water again. My throat began to burn as I swallowed and struggled to stop it falling. I sensed her crouch down in front of me. "Why're you crying, little Nami?" I shook my head. "Don't wanna speak?" I did nothing. I heard her sigh as she straightened up. A hand plucked at mine, pulling it from my sleeve. "C'mon, upsies." I stood, obediently. "This way." I heard the slide of material that meant she'd picked up my bag and slung it over her shoulder. We began to walk. Luckily, it wasn't far. I only had to hide my face from one girl that passed. Larxene seemed to notice and I could imagine she rolled her eyes before saying, "don't be so vain. She hasn't got a clue who you are."

I wanted to say something like, don't be so sure about that. But I didn't, because then I'd cry. That was the funny thing about me; it was like my body said _you wanted to cry so you are going to fucking cry._ I'd be mute until I'd found somewhere completely solitary so I could release a few sobs and get it out of my system. But I'd had no idea where the toilets were. Apparently I'd been seconds away from one. Larxene led me in, pulling me towards the sinks. She dumped my backpack and told me to stay there. I stayed, mostly because I didn't know what else to do. She came back with tissues. "Here," she said. I pressed one against my eyes when the first sob escaped.

She waited whilst I got through the crying, patting my hair awkwardly and going, "s'alright, kidlet. Atta girl." She soaked the others with water and, once I'd finished wiping and sniffing, pressed them against my face. I was about to protest, but then I had to close my eyes and just thought, you know what? Let her do it. Once done, she threw the cold, wet tissues into the bin and turned to me, hands on hips.

"Okay. Now spill."

I sighed. "It's nothing. Stupid, really."

"Yeah. Right."

I looked at her. "It is."

"I never said it wasn't."

"Look," I said. "I just got humiliated in front of, like, half of the first years students. Okay? And they were all making fun of me and stuff. I was stupid to cry but I just can't help it."

"Quit beating yourself down already," she told me angrily. "What happened?"

I shrugged. "They were doing this thing in assembly."

"Thing? Be more specific."

"This… 'What Makes You Happy?' thing. And we had to write it on a scrap of paper, and the guy chose random ones and read them out."

"So he read yours out." The way she said it wasn't really a question. She was trying to pin down what happened, but she was way off course.

"No. 'Sides, they were anonymous."

"So…"

I cringed internally. "One of the scraps he picked out… it had my name on it."

She stared at me. She didn't say anything. And neither did I, 'cause I really had no idea what would come out of my mouth. And 'sides, the look she was giving me was kinda creeping me out. I wouldn't have looked, but something about her eyes didn't let me look away. Those icy depths splintered deep inside of me, daring me to turn away.

"You're not serious," she flat out stated, finally.

I was silent. Her eyes widened.

"You are," she said softly, grinning. There was a beat, and then she was laughing. "Oh my God, you are. You really _are_. You poor thing."

I scowled at her. "Yeah, and? What's so funny?"

"Oh, nothing," she giggled. "_Nothing_." And she laughed all the way out, waving a hand idly at me.

For a while I just stared at the door, wondering what that had all been about. But it only took me a couple of seconds to smile, if only slightly.

She was wacky, but… I kinda liked that girl.

-VR-

Since I was in Sandringham with time to spare, and was now (thankfully) composed, I figured I could try the music room again. I mean, why not?

But as I approached it, this nasty feeling grew in my belly. That something was wrong. Awfully wrong. Something in the air just felt… off. Too still. Too silent. Like the calm before the storm, the world holding its breath and waiting for something to happen. I couldn't explain it. Could hardly even begin to explain to myself how different and _wrong_ everything felt. Mere steps away from the room's door, I could hear voices. Loud, angry voices. I struggled to catch words, but I was still so far away. So I quickened my step.

"– Where he is."

I stopped.

"No," someone said. A voice I thought I knew. My heart jolted from the simple thought, despite the fact that I couldn't attach a name or a face.

A thump. A groan of pain. My blood went cold, my body frozen. I couldn't even begin to describe how it felt to realise this person was being threatened, physically harmed. This person I knew. And it wasn't like it was a public brawl. No, this was secret. _Secrets_. A voice whispering to me in the dark. _You know how I wasn't ill today?_

"It might not be true," I whispered.

Another thump. A grunt this time. No, this was true. As real as the air and the floors and the walls. As real as this backpack digging into my shoulder. As real as me.

"You'll tell me," a voice hissed. Male, authoritative, cocky, confident. My God. Seifer. It was _Seifer_.

"I won't," said the familiar voice. Calm and collected despite the hurt. Decided.

"You fucking bookworm."

"Worm," said an unemotional voice that could only be Fuujin. Seifer laughed at the emphasis. I dropped my backpack. It made a loud noise on the wooden floor, but I hardly registered it. My hand had flown to my mouth. Was that - ?

"My name is Ienzo."

Ienzo. Ienzo, get out of there. What are you doing, Ienzo? I squeezed my eyes shut. Why did you let yourself be cornered in an empty room, you fool?

"Shit, someone's out there."

I opened my eyes. Footsteps. They were going to come out of that room. And I was here all alone. I mean, it's not like that had to mean something. Still. I didn't want to take the chance, so I bolted to the nearest corner, hid myself there. I heard the creak as the door opened. Couldn't help but hold my breath, be as noiseless as possible. Just hoped they wouldn't come this way. Hope. Hope. Hope.

"There's no one here," Raijin said.

"Thanks for stating the obvious, idiot." A sigh. "C'mon, let's get out of here. I have a pretty good idea where he could be, anyway."

Thank God, they went the other way. I peeked around the corner carefully. Going, going… gone. I waited a couple more seconds before I crept back to the music room and stepped around the open door.

I came to an abrupt halt. What the…? There was no one there. But then footsteps shuffled to the right. I jerked backwards involuntarily on a lightening-sharp jolt of adrenaline, thinking maybe Seifer had changed his mind and come back for round two, thus I should probably do something about being stood in plain sight. I breathed a sigh when rational thought reminded me that Seifer and co. would hardly be shuffling down the corridor (though Raijin's feet were more than big enough) and, besides, there was someone crouched behind the piano. Black converse, frayed white-blue jeans. For a second I just stared at those shoes. No more shuffling. Maybe they had the same idea – that it'd be Seifer in the doorway. Oops.

"Uh, hello?" I said brilliantly. Just to tell him it wasn't quite as bad as that, was just me, I guess (though perhaps worse in the sense that I walked in on his moment of… um. Not shame exactly… but whatever).

"Oh, it's you." Well, it's nice to see you, too! The shoes began to shuffle again. This time I noticed what was going on – he was crouched down, gathering bits of… paper. There we go! Bastard Raijin hadn't changed one bit. No doubt something important and A-graded had been torn up.

You know, I think he's jealous. Raijin, I mean. He tends to target possessions the most, mostly school work. He so wishes he were so smart.

I began to walk around the piano so I could help pick up. "Er… are you okay?" I asked. "He didn't…"

By which time I'd made it round and crouched down, reaching for the first paper.

"No!" Ienzo lunged for me, snatching at the paper. I dropped it like it was on fire and backtracked furiously, scrambling to get to my feet. I didn't quite find my balance and ended up on my backside, arms thrown back to catch my fall, eyes wide and lips parted slightly in shock.

Shock not just at his spontaneous flare of fury… but also the state of his face.

I tried to speak, to say his name like my voice automatically wanted to do, but I had no breath. I was too busy staring at the mess of his cheek, the raw reds, the violent purples, sickly yellow-greens… Raijin and his hard knuckles, rings on his fingers…

Finally, I mustered enough to breathe, "Ienzo."

He ignored me. Shoving the now blood-spattered scrap into his pocket, he re-doubled his efforts to gather everything up as quickly as possible. Was he trying to hide something? They looked like poems… short lines, lyrical titles, snippets of rhymes… at least what I could make out.

Suddenly I was over the shock. I pushed myself forwards onto my feet, but stayed crouched, at eye-level. "What happened?" I demanded.

For a few seconds it seemed like I wasn't going to get a reply. I remember thinking in that brief eternity that it was odd to see him so flustered and angry and desperate… that perhaps I'd been wrong to assume he was the kind of person to always be calm and collected. But then, perhaps I'd caught him off-guard.

Finally he said, "I'm fine. It's nothing."

I didn't say anything to that. It was so obvious that he wasn't fine, that it wasn't nothing, that even my silence screamed my disagreement. He couldn't have missed that. But he just finished gathering his things and made to walk out the door. I stood to watch him go, my brain working furiously for the right thing to say, when he paused in the middle of the room and turned to look at me.

"Have you seen Vanitas?"

I was stumped. "I… er… no, not today… not since – a while…"

He nodded slightly. "We need to find him. Can you help me?"

I was struggling to work out the relevance of this. What did Vanitas have to do with anything? But then – a flash of something – a ghost of a voice – _where he is?_ Wasn't that what Seifer had been saying? _I have an idea where he could be…_ didn't he?

"He's looking for Vanitas?" I didn't bother with a name. Ienzo would know. He nodded again. "What for? Has something - happened?" What was that hesitation? A little twist in my belly. Secrets. Wasn't ill today… may not be true…

But it is. It is. It's there in Ienzo's expression.

"I don't know," said Ienzo. "But it can't be good. Seifer's never been so hell-bent on finding him…"

"You gotta clean up first. People will ask…"

"I know," he sighed. "That's why I'm asking. I need… I need to go home and sort myself out. So…"

"Okay."

He smiled a little. Then he left, head ducked down to try and hide the worst of it.

-VR-

I was panicking.

Lunch ended ages ago. I was missing Photography again – it was Monday, the same day last week that he'd offered his umbrella… Oh God. Please God. Don't let me be sick. Don't let Seifer have –

Have –

Shit.

I stumbled to the wall and carefully lowered myself to the floor. What was I doing? I had to look, had to find – but one second. Just one second. I needed to breathe. I needed to think. I needed…

I leant my head back and closed my eyes. I needed a number. I needed help looking. Calm down. Breathe slow. How stupid could I get? Why hadn't I asked for a number? Why hadn't I gone to a teacher? They'd do something about it, wouldn't they?

I exhaled slowly and opened my eyes. No, they wouldn't. Not really. What would I say, anyway? _Excuse me, but I think there's a guy who's beat up another guy pretty bad somewhere…_ No. Why was I so wound up? 'Cause I was afraid. Ienzo had been so sure, and there'd been so much anger and spite in Seifer's voice. And Vanitas didn't know. He didn't know Seifer was looking… or maybe he did now. Maybe he knew nothing at all, lost in black unconsciousness in some vacant corner of a room. Would Seifer really go that far? I didn't know. But what if he had? I had to be sure, if only for my own peace of mind.

_Get up, Naminé. It might not have happened. Seifer probably didn't find him. He might be home right now…_

_Don't get so worked up. You're doing all you can. He could be fine. It wouldn't be your fault if he wasn't. It wouldn't._

_Get up, Naminé. Keep on looking. _

Down the corridor, around the bend. Another corridor, peeking in the windows as I went. I felt like such an idiot as the curious faces turned to me, watching me watch them.

Breathe in, breathe out.

And then – there! Bursting through the door along the corridor suddenly, almost colliding with me, blonde mullet, blue eyes, frantic face, frantic pace…

"Dem!"

And then I knew something was wrong. Something was definitely wrong. He was white as milk and he looked like he'd just seen his worst nightmare. He grabbed my forearms.

"Have you found him yet?"

I shook my head.

"He didn't come to Music. He never misses Music, double Music… And then Ienzo called…" He was painfully squeezing the blood from my arms, but I didn't speak. I could only gulp in acknowledgement of the fact that this meant something really bad. "He couldn't get through to Vanitas. Neither could I. Vanitas never turns his phone off. He always answers. I don't know where…"

"It's okay," I whispered, not because it was, but because he needed to hear it. I took a breath and took hold of his elbows firmly, staring into his eyes with what I hoped was fierce determination.

"It's going to be okay," I said, firm and confident and as strong as I could make it. "Do you hear me? We'll find him, and he'll be fine."

After a hesitant nod from him we set off, speed-walking down the corridor. "Have you looked outside yet? Places where he normally goes?" I asked, taking control, trying to stay cool.

"No, I –"

"Then let's go. I haven't either; I don't know where he likes to go."

Dem looked at me with horror, as if he expected me to have done just that. What? I didn't even know the guy. That would have been stupid. And yet he was still staring, blank with shock.

"Oh, you have _got _to be _kidding _me!" I almost shouted.

He flinched, swallowing nervously. "I didn't think," he whispered. And then a few seconds later he must have come to a decision because, after grabbing my wrist, he took off like a bat out of hell.

Dragging me along for the ride.

We ran most of the way to the park. Being very athletically unfit, that bit of spontaneous exercise left me feeling like I was being ripped in two. I was panting for oxygen before long and attempting to nurse a burning stitch whilst still moving. I tried to ignore the pain when Dem got a burst of speed and pulled me into a run, but you can only ignore that kind of thing for so long. So once we'd gone a ways along the path in the park I tugged myself from his grip and bent over, gasping, waving my hand vaguely in encouragement for him to go on. But he didn't even miss a beat. He just kept on going, half walking, half running to his mysterious destination. I remember thinking, _crap, I don't even know where he's going_. I looked up. Thankfully, he was still in sight, but he wouldn't be for long. I straightened up and kept on going.

The path cut through the middle of the park, running slightly diagonally from one side to the other. For the most part it was a steady uphill climb, though not steep. Once Dem had crested the hill he began to disappear, going downhill. In desperation I broke into a sprint that made my stitch scream, but I made it to the top in one piece, scanning for Dem.

He was taking the momentum of the now steep path, tearing along like a bullet, like he was one step from launching himself into the air and taking flight. I could see where the path ended, one of those funny wooden gates where the second half is placed a little way behind the first, creating a kind of zigzag, marking it. And the glimpse of water through the trees… was that the canal?

Dem turned right after the gate. I panicked and threw myself down the hill, releasing a scream at one point when it seemed like I was close to falling flat on my face. I was going so fast I struggled to stop for the gate and ended up banging my hip when I tried to go around the first part. With a shriek (waaaay past attempting to hide any pain) I kept on going.

For a couple of minutes we hurtled along the canal. I caught up to Dem at the first bridge, wheezing. He'd stopped, as if reluctant to go on.

The only way forward was the tunnel.

I didn't feel like stopping, though. Still using my momentum, I bypassed him (ignoring a 'Naminé!' and the brush of fingers on my arm _what?_) and stepped into the tunnel.

I screamed.


End file.
